I received a question from one of my readers and wanted to
address it in this blog post:
From A.P.:
How do you deal with
meal preparation with a partner that doesn’t follow the same diet? How do you deal with getting tempted by your
partner’s treats and snacks?
I actually live with and in love with a girl (we can call
her N) who doesn't follow my modified [1] Paleo diet. She eats a very typical SAD diet, with more carbs and grains that you can shake a stick at.
She frequently loves junk food, pizza rolls, creamy risotto, and huge
plates of pasta.
N’s got an interesting health bill. Since we have dated, she has basically never
been sick. She’s maintained the same
body weight in the last 2 years, with an unreal low percentage of body
fat. She has no auto-immune related
problems, no family history of any real illness, and no real complaints about
how she is feeling (outside of being tired here and there). We used to talk about how it was so easy for
me to put on weight eating pizza and how she would wake up the next day 2
pounds lighter. It drove me nuts, but I chalked
it up to my terrible metabolism I developed after becoming hypothyroid.
When I first decided to cut out gluten, I think it was
pretty annoying for N. If you jump 6
months ago, we were typically eating out 2 times a week, ordering a lot of pizza,
making breaded fried pork with huge piles of potatoes. Fast forward to gluten free, we aren’t going
out very often and I’m making a lot more food at home. Now I wasn’t strictly all gluten free, I was
still having beer occasionally but I eventually cut that out too. N would offer me some snack or make a treat
in the kitchen and not realize that gluten was in the soy sauce or was in the
salad dressing. I then went full out on
Janurary 1st, with cutting out grains, soy, processed foods, sugars,
and fruit.
The first few weeks, I just cooked and ate all my own
food. I had N try some of my stuff,
which she actually liked (especially the no-chili beef chili I made) and she
continued to eat her own stuff. I asked
her what she thought about what I was doing, which she responded. “I don’t like your diet at times, but you
seem way more normal. Your blood sugars are
good all the time, and you are much more upbeat. And because you like it, I want to support
you and it does make me happy that you feel better”. What a great thing to hear!
After January, I have noticed a few changes that have happened
with both N and I. First and foremost,
the junk food items have shrunk down to a minimum for N. She hasn’t bought Pringles or much junk food
at all outside of some frozen meals and pizza rolls. She likes most of the food I’m making, and
eats it when I offer it to her.
Sometimes I believe N thinks that I’m only cooking for myself, and will therefore
eat some risotto or a huge plate of pasta, but I always try to make a little
extra for her. In the end, she probably hasn’t
realized but she’s eating about 50% Paleo just by eating the stuff I’m
making. She has admitted to me on multiple
occasions that she likes my food but she still loves carbs and grains. She won’t ever go full Paleo, but I am okay
with that.
I’m the only person in my tight group of friend that eats
Paleo. I wanted to do a blog post on siloed
lifestyle change, when you completely change your life and find it hard to
share or relate your experiences with friends and family who have not made the
same commitments. For one, most of my
friends read the book “The China Study” and all became vegans right around the
time I started researching my diet and decided on a Paleolithic structure. Since
our diets are drastically different, I at first found it hard to talk to them
about what I was cooking, eating, loving, etc.
My family thought it was weird that I wasn’t eating gluten, or drinking
beer, but like good parents my Mom/Dad said to do what makes me happy.
So when I was first toying with writing about
feeling siloed, I started to realize that I’m really not siloed at all. My friends, who are vegan, although their
approach is different, still are working on bettering their health (just like I
am). Now, I don’t agree at all with a vegan diet, but we can all
agree that avocados taste great and that taking care of your bodies is a great
idea. My mother doesn’t eat Paleo but is
happy to eat steaks and asparagus when she is visiting. And the blog world[2] and reddit.com/r/paleo
have been super fun to be involved. I
noticed that what I really meant by siloed was, I wished someone would do this along with me that I knew personally so we
could share recipes and our progress. I
realized how much I depend on the acceptance of others and wish to relate to
someone especially when completely changing your life. When I came to this realization, I decided
that I didn’t need someone to do exactly what I was doing. I just needed myself to feel comfortable with
what I was doing, to know that it was working based on how I’m feeling, and to
talk to anyone who asks me about it and share my stories with those who will
listen.
Being okay being the only one wearing red to a party where
everyone else is wearing blue is a powerful thing, if you love the way you feel in
red. It took some time to figure this
out but since I have, I have been happier.
Just having support for something
even if the support is coming from someone who can’t relate or may disagree
with you, is a strong motivating factor.
I suggest that anyone you know who is working on self improvement,
regardless of approach, you stand by and support them. Support is a powerful motivator!
So what do we do when our partner supports us, but it’s 6pm
and we are both hungry?
To really get down to how this works, if you are Paleo and
your partner is not, cook Paleo all the time and always offer your partner the
food. Paleo food is delicious and isn’t
crazy or bizarre. Last night we ate huge
bowls of chili and bacon fried cauliflower, 100% Paleo. If you luck out and your partner isn’t a huge
fan of cooking, I cook 90% of the food anyways. And N lately has been getting a
bit interested in slow cooking and has been making some Paleo foods that we
both can enjoy. She still sneaks in her
gorganozla crackers but we seemed to have found a balance where we are both
enjoying what we like to eat, but don’t feel that exclusive.
What about when your partner eats cookies and potato chips?
How do you not cave?
Now when N eats all
this totally rich in carby deliciousness goodness, I just remind myself that I
have very strong will power and how being Paleo has fixed a lot of systemic
issues from developing Diabetes at age 8 to putting on way too much
weight. After you fully commit to
something and it works, the lure of cheating on food diminishes to a point
where I can’t rationalize the decision.
This takes time and patience with you, and a serious commitment at first
before it becomes second nature.
In the end, good habits tend to rub off on people. Continue to make healthy choices, and talk
with friends and family who have questions about what you are doing. Self improvement is inspiring and people who
love you will always support that. If
your partner doesn’t fully agree with you or want to commit, just ask for their
support and don’t force dogma down anyone’s throats. What you do for yourself isn't always the
best for everyone so stay humble but open.
-Arbit
[1]
When I say modified, I eat grass fed butter. I
chose to eat butter when I read about butyrate
and its effects on brain inflammation, blood chemistry (cholesterol
normalization), and weight loss. Inflammation is something I have to be very
careful of; I have a tender immune system and would like to halt or prevent
any further auto-immune related conditions.
Since I started eating more grass fed butter, I do feel like it’s rocket
fuel when going on very low carb. I have
heard some folks have negative effects on cholesterol, so your mileage may
vary.
Butter holds a funny place
in the Paleo universe. Some say it’s
cool some say it’s not. Since I think it’s
best to be flexible with one’s health, I’m going to keep eating it until some
research or blood work tells me otherwise.
I also eat raw honey, which his
as you can imagine is debated quite a bit.
Did cave men harvest honey? Probably
not, but when you are a type 1 diabetic with an unexpected low blood sugar, you
need something with a high glycemic index to get your sugars back in
control. And I think raw honey is the
perfect fix for me when I need to make adjustments.
[2]
Two links I have been loving lately:
http://robbwolf.com/ - podcast rules. Research Biochemist that talks fitness, food, and health. Reads and fact checks like a mad man, completely love this blog.
http://nomnompaleo.com/ - the best recipe site for paleo food. Seriously
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